The Substance Abuse Center of Kansas website is: http://sackansas.hubris.net/
The Substance Abuse Center of Kansas Facebook page is: https://www.facebook.com/sackansas/
CrossOver Recovery Center’s Facebook page is: https://www.facebook.com/CrossOverRecoveryCenter/
CrossOver Recovery Center’s Facebook page in Hutchinson is: https://www.facebook.com/CrossOverRecoveryCenterHutch/
These are the local emergency phone numbers for those struggling in Hutchinson, Kansas
Horizon’s Mental Health Center: (620)-663-7595
Horizon’s Crisis Hotline: 1-800-794-0163
The Substance Abuse Center of Kansas: 620-669-9024
Mirror Inc.: 620-665-7750
Reno County Alcohol and Drug: 620-665-6446
Horizon’s Crisis Management: 620-694-1099
Kansas Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault (Local): 620-663-2522
Kansas Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault (Hotline): 1-888-363-2287
Kansas Poison Center: 1-800-332-6633
Poison Control Center: 1-800-222-1222
Crime Stoppers: 620-694-2666
Toll-Free Crime Stoppers: 1-800-222-8477
Hutchinson City Office: 620-694-2690
Hutchinson Fire Department: 620-694-2871
Hutchinson Police Department: 620-694-2800
Reno County Courthouse: 620-694-2929
Reno County EMS: 620-665-2120
Reno County Sheriff: 620-694-2735
I am obliged to say thank you to every person who has been there to help me when I have asked for it, to those who reached out when you saw me struggling, and to those who have been a support to me without hesitation. Without you, I could not have gotten to where I am without your help.
Today, because of you, I am not afraid to ask for help.
You see, before I would have negatively associated that need for help with being weak.
Today, I know better than that.
We all need help in our lives sometimes and if we don’t ask for it then we miss out on the possibilities that the ability others can give to us through their assistance.
Isolation is not the answer. It is a part of the problem-
So, to those out there struggling, alone, isolated and feeling as if you have to do this on your own, you do not. You are not alone. Please, don’t be afraid to ask for help.
It may be the bravest thing you’ll ever do and it might change your life.
I would not be here without the help of some great people who never gave up on me. I thought that I could do it on my own. I thought I was in control. I wasn’t. In doing so, I was only hurting the others who truly wanted to help me.
You will be surprised how much people will help when you ask for it. If they aren’t helping you when you ask, you are asking the wrong people.
So, I challenge those who are struggling to reach out- just like I did, to ask for help and to see how their lives change. There are people waiting to help you. You just have to ask for it.
I should explain, I am studying to become Catholic. I am enrolled in RCIA courses every Thursday evening. As someone who is new to the Catholic faith, I have learned a tremendous amount from the others in the course. Unlike the others in the course, my background might be a little more “sketchy” than theirs. I do not expect their experiences to be like mine, however, I do realize that I am likely concerned about some things with the faith that may seem like no big deal for others.
I will give you some examples…
The Confession:
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. This is my first confession.
I also feel like at this point, maybe, I should give the Father a heads up. I should warn him that this may take longer for me than the others, you may hear some things that you have not heard from many, or I may be asking for forgiveness for a long while after the others have finished. To appease the church and myself, I have familiarized myself with the two common prayers needed much of the time.
“Hail Mary” and “Our Father” are two prayers used in asking for forgiveness. Immediately, I knew it would be important to learn these. These prayers are also said during the Rosary which is used quite often and said quite often as well. As I repent, I may be asked to pray the Rosary which takes a bit of time.
Now that I have warned the Father that it may take a little while because this is not just my FIRST confession but I have quite a bit to confess. I have already warned my significant other if the building begins shaking, if lightening strikes, or thunder strikes down that he should not worry. It is only little ole me confessing my sins to be forgiven.
I am tempted to take a picture of the Father’s face as I exit the confessional.
In the Catholic faith, this is serious stuff and I do not want to leave anything out or risk it.
I have other concerns to address. Confession is the obvious one.
Second, I need to ask about the Eucharist.
The Eucharist:
“The blood and the body of Christ”
This is the coolest part of church. The Eucharist is when the Father takes the body and blood of Christ and asks you to take part as members of the church.
As a “Catholic in training”, I cannot take part in this. It is forbidden.
A person is not supposed to take the blood and body of Christ until they have been baptized and active in the church. However, there is always a long line of people behind the Father of our church and I know for a fact some of ya’ll forget to confess, shouldn’t be taking the Eucharist, but that is none of my business.
I worry about me.
Here is what I am worried about: I do not drink and I do not do drugs.
That being said, we all know that the body of Christ is nothing to fear but unless that blood of Christ is grape juice… well, I cannot partake. You see, it breaks an oath that I have taken, this is important.
It is embarrassing that I have to ask this, but I need to know that when the cup is handed to me what I should do. I have watched others during the Eucharist to figure out if anyone else has my problem. I have noticed in staring at others who are taking the Eucharist that some just do not take a sip from the cup.
Now, that being said…
I do not want to look like I am trying to be disrespectful by not taking a drink.
I do not want to be rude to the church. I am trying to be respectful in resolving these issues before they arise. Thus, I am asking for feedback. Has anyone else been in my shoes?
During the baptism of my children and of myself, if I do not take part in the “blood and body of Christ” it is going to be noticeable. I do not want to make a scene or have anyone laughing at the girl who wouldn’t take a sip of wine. This is a vow to between myself and God. He is aware of why I cannot have even a sip of alcohol. A man named Bill W. is also aware of the reason.
“The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called willpower becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.” – AA BIG BOOK
So, for my safety and yours… it is in every persons best interest… not to take that first drink. It has been said that one is too many and a thousand is never enough. In taking that first drink or drug, we are releasing our addiction all over again.
These are my problems today. I am concerned about my first confession and the Eucharist. I never imagined myself being in a position to address my own spirituality. Yet, here I am- trying to be all responsible and adult-like.
My last concern that I have is choosing a Saint. In the Catholic faith, we choose a relative Saint that we would like to have during our first confirmation. I have to also choose an applicable female Saint. I keep finding all of these males. I think I am going to make a special trip to the Catholic Bookstore to do more research.
These are the confessions of an almost Catholic.
Also, for anyone who is super interested in reading about Bill Wilson- he wrote to Sister Ignatia in this letter:
The scroll given to Sister may now be seen at Rosary Hall. This is the inscription:
IN GRATITUDE FOR SISTER MARY IGNATIA ON THE OCCASION OF HER GOLDEN JUBILEE
Dear Sister,
We of Alcoholics Anonymous look upon you as the finest friend and the greatest spirit we may ever know. We remember your tender ministrations to us in the days when AA was very young. Your partnership with Dr. Bob in that early time has created for us a spiritual heritage of incomparable worth.
In all the years since, we have watched you at the bedside of thousands. So watching, we have perceived ourselves to be the beneficiaries of that wondrous light which God has always sent through you to illumine our darkness. You have tirelessly tended our wounds; you have nourished us with your unique understanding and your matchless love. No greater gifts of Grace than these shall we ever have. Speaking for AA members throughout the world, I say: “May God abundantly reward you according to your blessed works – now and forever!’
In devotion,
March 25,1964, Bill W.
Copyright © AA Grapevine August 1966
As I embark on my second semester of graduate school, I have discovered one thing that has changed everything. I decided what I wanted to do with my life. I have chosen who I have decided to become.
Surprisingly, it only took me approximately a Bachelor’s Degree, years of schooling and $45K in student debt to figure it out. Finally, right?
I am a graduate student in a Liberal Arts program at FHSU. However, when I decided to change my career interest and my coursework. My career path became “non-degree seeking” and because of this… I can no longer get student loans. I can no longer ask the government to help me because I came to my conclusion after receiving my Bachelor’s degree which is the limit for Federal Pell grants. However, I refused to give up.
I took a lean out on my car, got a loan for myself and enrolled for my first semester towards my dream career of becoming a Licensed Addiction’s Counselor.
While I wish I would have come to this conclusion before receiving my Bachelor’s Degree while I still had government aid or known that licensing for teaching is the only degree that the government would pay for or, even that I would no longer be able to receive student loans. I would have been more prepared.
Despite the recent turn of events, I have not given up and I have a plan to pay for the next 3 semesters as so long as regular payments continue to be made. This is what I have come to realize as an adult…. You have to struggle, endure, and strive to get what you want.
The struggle will always be worth it. I know this. I feel like I am fighting for the life I want, to have the ability to ensure that I may be able to provide for my children, and grow into the person that I want to become. So, while I sit in fear the day before classes begin and ask myself if I can do this?
I suppose I am more afraid of not trying than I am of failing because I refuse to give up. I can only hope that while I am attending my first semester of school out of my own pocket, that I will do exceptionally well because I am super interested in what I am actually studying. In contrast, I do not want to underestimate the coursework. I know it will be difficult. One advantage I do have is that I am working in the field prior to completing my degree which I am hoping will aid on understanding of my homework.
To continue my education, it is mandatory that I do well.
Yet like most students, I am trembling in my little shoes in fear that I will fail… I ask myself. What is the worst that can happen? I get bad grades and have to re-take the courses (I assume). If that happens, it is a matter of money and not of whether I will continue to try. That is rock-bottom in this situation and I have survived worse than failing a course and continued to pick myself back up again. My fears may not be “that big of a deal” or “first-day jitters”… but they feel big because in my world the life I am trying to create depends on my ability to do well, my future rides on my ability to do well in these courses and this “pressure” just intimidates me.
I could just give up without a fight. Nah, I have never given up in situations that have challenged me and I continue to fight battles everyday that I am able to conquer with less fear. So, I will quit crying and get off my “pity-party” pot and fight like I have had to do for my life at various points, for my kids, and stay motivated because I am not a victim of my life. I am in control of it. Today, I choose not to give up, not to give in to fear, and just do the best that I can. That’s all you can do, right?
I found out this year that I can no longer get federal grants. I can deal with only depending on student loans. The grants were bound to run out at some point. I wish I only would’ve gotten this advice sooner. I swore this would never happen to me, but here I am…
I am a college graduate with an Associates Degree in Psychology and a Bachelor’s Degree in Sociology. When I first majored in my program, it was with the understanding that it was blended with a social work degree. I graduated and I was offered my first job. However, I couldn’t sit for the test because I did not have my degree in Social Work.
If you want to take courses that aren’t in your graduate program, do it as an undergraduate because once you have your degree then you cannot get student loans for non-degree seeking licenses.
For instance, I figured out after I got my Bachelor’s Degree that I wanted to become a Licensed Addiction’s Counselor. I was approved to take the courses, but to my dismay when I spoke with financial aid I found out that I could not get student loans because the only non-degree seeking license that is funded is teaching.
Now, I am sitting here thinking… Well, I should’ve figured it out sooner.
I am largely in student debt. I cannot do a whole heck of a lot with what I have and now I am trying to figure out how to pay for the classes to do what I really want to do in life.
Hands down. I wanted to give up. I wanted to throw in the towel and be done with school. However, I am not. I am striving on and picking up the pieces. I am hoping to pay off my car soon enough to use it as a lean against another loan (but this time through a bank locally) to take out a loan for school.
If all else fails… I will create a “Go Fund Me” page. I will, however, not give up.
A moment of silence for the still suffering addict in and outside of these rooms.
Sitting in these rooms smelling of cigarettes and coffee, I pour myself a glass and I go back to a time that wasn’t so simple.
It is important for me not to forget what I have done-
Forgetting means that I become complacent.
Complacency is a dangerous place for me.
I hear others speaking.
The daily meditation revised to fit our stories.
It compels us to tell the truth about our lies.
Who is an addict?
Today and tomorrow, I tell my story of who I was, what I’ve done, and the horrors in between to find common ground with someone else in these rooms.
Someone who is like me.
Then.. I hear it.
My story in someone else’s life.
The struggle.
The rooms breath full of life.
I am here and this matters.
The story I’ve heard affects me.
Someone else lived like me.
I listen for clues to how they’ve fought.
I hear their journey and it fills me with hope that one day I will walk in these rooms and someone will hear me.
As I’ve heard them, they’ll know my experience as theirs.
They’ll find common ground in my words and knows they’re apart of something.
Bigger than words that helps others through our common demons.
We can both find the light in these dim rooms smelling of old cigarettes and coffee.
This event is a collaboration of many institutions and treatment providers gathering together to provide a great night of entertainment and awareness about substance abuse.
This Little Light of Mine... 